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Home Books Lord of the Rings In the Shadow of My Mind
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In the Shadow of My Mind

Right, OK, I know this is a tenth-walker story where the girl falls into Middle Earth but I really couldn’t resist myself, I love the idea and wanted to share it with all you guys  :P.  Plus there’s Legolas romance later on so you might as well give it a go and read it LOL! This is my first fanfiction so please be nice – although constructive criticism is most welcome as are any reviews! Thanks guys!

Disclaimer: I own none of the amazing plot or characters from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, they all belong to the amazing J.R.R. Tolkien. Everything but my own original characters and plot belong to him.

Adrenaline. It pumped through my veins as quickly and as fluidly as my own blood. Panting as I climbed down closer to the edge of the wondrous and mystical Cliffs of Mohar, I revelled in the feeling of my heart pumping wildly, my breath coming and going, the sweat trickling down the side of my face. This was the life, the feeling of the fresh sea air blowing in my face, clearing my head, and my memories of life, reality...

I suppose that’s why I loved such extremes and back-breaking trials so much. I hated reality, hated the boring and unsatisfying life I was doomed to live. But I knew that wasn’t the only reason I did these sports, I wanted to forget, to have one moment without guilt weighing me down, suffocating me, I didn’t want the pain of remembrance. It hurt too much. I wanted peace, I knew I didn’t deserve any peace but I couldn’t go on living my life without even an ounce of solace, the pain would have killed me, not that it doesn’t already but these little escapes kept me going, kept my mind off things. It was too much that I had to go through my life dying inside, failing to forget a past that haunted my dreams and had me crying for sleep or even death to save me from it. But I learned long ago that life’s a bitch, it’s not fair. Life will take any opportunity to wound you, hurt you and I suppose I should be thankful for that knowledge because now I don’t have to live in hope, waiting for my happy ending or whatever. Hope was a demon. Oh, it deceived and it made you believe that everything would work out in the end even if things look bad now but I knew the truth. Hope was like a Trojan horse, it looked beautiful and friendly, acting like it wanted to help us when really it was a demon, a virus that worked its way deep into your being and attacked from the inside, destroying all in its path and making your very existence crumble in mere seconds. Who knows, it may be longer for others, it may take hours or years for hope to destroy them, or maybe hope destroys them in minutes, all I know is that hope ravaged me, tore me to pieces, devoured me and spit me back up in one second. One second of realisation and I’ve been hollow, empty, cold. Afraid. I could still see his face.

Oh Jake, I’m sorry.

No! No thinking of that now, you’ll be thinking of it constantly as soon as our hike is done and then you’ll be wishing you were back her, said the cold voice of reason in my head.

Shaking my head, I silently agreed, there was still a lifetime of suffering to look forward to, why not take this moment of solace and escape and hold onto it with both hands. Just relax... but I knew, deep in my heart, I could never escape. I would never be free.

‘Freya! Be careful down there would you? Don’t go diving in, or you’ll get in shit!’ called my best friend Kayla. I looked over and gave her a wide false grin.

;What on Earth gave you the idea that I’d jump into the damn Atlantic Ocean?’ I called back.

‘Because, I know you better than you know yourself and you’re completely crazy, you’d get curious to see what’d happen if you jumped in and then I’d have to go looking for you and ruin my new boots! Plus, I’m amazing and know everything.’ Shouted Kayla with a flash of her perfect white teeth, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me and not decide to go free diving, I was having a very intriguing conversation with Robert about some, er, type of flower that only grows here in all the country! How exciting right?’ she called louder than before so that our young and quite good-looking guide would hear.

I rolled my eyes at her feeble attempt to seem interested in any form of nature besides the male species. The truth was, Kayla was a flirt, she didn’t mean to at the most part but she flirted with every guy she came in contact with, whether she liked them or not. It was just her, and I was her less attractive, less confident, weird best friend. Though honestly, I wouldn’t change her for the world. Sure she might get every guy what with her flawless mocha skin and straight jet black hair and eyes so dark they looked fathomless, but I really didn’t mind, I wasn’t looking for love or a relationship of any sort since in today’s world, relationships didn’t so much go by love, but rather the sex. Kayla was an expert at that, unfortunately. She didn’t want one guy, she had to have them all, once she saw someone she liked it was bu-bye to whatever poor unfortunate soul was in her clutches to begin with. Not that she was a bad girlfriend or anything, I’m sure the guy had a great time with her, but she wasn’t very gentle with the whole “break-up” thing. It was a more of a “Yeah, see ya,” sort of thing.

But she was also incredibly funny and was as smart as anyone could hope to achieve. Best of both worlds I suppose. I, on the other hand, was not quite so lucky, I guess my long tawny brown hair and tall, curvy body could be considered “pretty” or “above average” but I was rarely complimented nor did I have guys drooling after my ass or chest. Kayla said I had an ass to die for but usually I would slap her or go so red I would feel the heat intensely! I knew why guys were wary of me though, I had a very, stern, personality. Well that wasn’t actually true, I didn’t know how to act more so, but when I was with Kayla I apparently was hilarious and knew how to have a good time for the most part. But with others, it was a “no crap” attitude and I knew they respected me but that was all I needed. Complicated to say the least.

Kayla had gone back to Robert and was constantly touching his arm flirtatiously or something like that so I turned myself back to the ocean. It was breath-taking to say the least, so vat and wild. The stormy colour of the Irish waters was the colour of my eyes, a mixture of dark, misty blue and grey that tended to put people on edge. Not that I ever did it on purpose, well not often, but Kayla often said that when I looked people in the eye, it was as if I was looking inside the person and it was quite unnerving. For that reason I hardly ever made eye-contact. It became habit.

As I sat there on a large boulder the sun was beginning to set and as the golden sphere sank behind the horizon, I was strangely reminded of the Grey Havens, from Lord of the Rings, when Frodo and Gandalf sailed off to Valinor in the beautiful Viking style ships. That part of the book and movie always upset me, I knew it was for the best but I grew sad all the same. My mind on the Lord of the Rings now, I thought of how different my life was to those in the story that I so loved and cherished, there were always adventures and opportunities in Middle Earth, something I longed to have but was too foolish to hope for, or was it wise? Not to hope for it, considering I knew what hope really was. Yes, I concluded, you’re wise not to hope, just take one miserable day at a time.

‘Freya! C’mon! We’re going! Robert says that it’s getting late and the clouds aren’t looking too friendly all of a sudden!’ Kayla yelled at me, dragging me from my thoughts once again.

Sighing at the thought of leaving this haven, I arose and began making my may back up to the main track where Kayla and Robert were packing up. There was a worried look on Robert’s face that I didn’t like, were the clouds really worrying him that much? But now that I that I look at it, the sky was suddenly filled with low, dark stratus clouds that held more rain than I feared they could hold. There was a role of thunder and the clouds finally broke after waiting patiently all this time. The cold ocean rain came down with a vengeance, mercilessly, impairing my vision as I tried to see the rocks in front of me to grab hold and pull myself up to the others.

I was going quite well until I felt my foot slip under a wet rock, sliding down, I suddenly felt nothing below me and all I could feel was the sharp boulder that I was hanging onto for dear life. I heard someone scream from above and saw Kayla with her hand over her mouth, eyes wide in horror as I slipped further down the edge of the cliff and closer to my doom.

I could see a hazy figure trying to make its way down to me but it was obviously having trouble getting down, making its actions slower than I’d like. Panic flooded me as I fully realised what was happening and the situation I was in.

Oh God, oh God, oh God! What am I gonna do! I’m dangling from a fucking cliff in the middle of a thunder storm! Is this my punishment? Is this finally it? Oh God, is this how Jake felt before he –

 

There was a blinding flash of lightning and I shrieked in terror, lightning, headlights, pain, JAKE! I shrieked again as another bolt hit the cliff. Trying to pull myself up, I looked for anything that could aid me, anything at all but I was slipping further down and there became less and less things to grab onto. Flinging one of my arms out I grappled for anything at all and my legs kicked furiously at the cliff trying to heave myself up but to no avail.

Suddenly, I felt a terrible tremble, the rock at the edge of the cliff that I was hanging onto groaned under my weight. It creaked, unused to the weight that had never befallen it before, groaning again, I felt a crack and desperately tried to get back up, gasping and screaming for someone to help me but I couldn’t see anything now, the rain had brought a cruel fog with it from the ocean and my arms were getting tired and were burning with pain as the rock cut into my them, as was my chest, neck and legs, the jagged rocks ruthlessly cutting through my clothes and in turn my flesh.

‘HELP!’ I screamed at the top of my lungs, but just as I did there was another flash of lightning, this time striking right in front of me. A scream got caught in my throat as the feeble boulder holding me up let out a deafening crack before I felt myself and the rock sliding, sliding fast and as I looked behind me, I saw nothing but the great waves of the Atlantic Ocean and the jagged rocks below, made sharp after years of being worn down by the cruel ocean waves. Throwing my arms out again I tried to grab onto something but there was nothing, nothing there, not even the ground. I felt my stomach lurch and I turned to see the rocks coming closer to meet me, closer and closer they came. They suspense was agony, waiting for the inevitable, for the pain.

I wonder if it’ll be as bad as last time... nonsense, nothing could compare to that pain, except perhaps the fires of Hell. That’s where you’re headed my friend, that’s what you deserve...

 

A shaky sob escaped my lips as I thought back to that horrible night, waking up to see that he hadn’t,

You’re right, I thought, I’m on my way to Hell, a one-way trip. Not that I don’t deserve it...

I shut my eyes tightly, it’s no more than you deserve, the familiar voice whispered in my head, it should have been you...

So??? Whatcha think so far? Please review!

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